The Red Queen

I think every house for sale should come with a description of the neighbors, right next to the school zone information. This description should describe the mentality of the neighbors; whether or not they are friendly, neutral or just flat out malicious. Perhaps then we would have chosen to live elsewhere when we purchased our home in Wonderland.  We have one neighbor that is perfect:  A couple with four teenagers. Yes, with four teenagers, they are perfect. They are quiet, courteous, nice neighbors.

My other neighbor, on the other hand, is a spiteful, controlling, malicious, self-centered woman.  The Red Queen herself.  She has made it a point to let people know that she comes from a well-to-do area of town and that this is just a starter home.  Apparently Wonderland isn’t good enough for her; unless she can control it.   I feel pity for her minions.

The problems started two years ago, after we went through the appropriate channels, obtained the appropriate permits, and had permission from the homeowner’s association to extend the deck in our backyard.  Because the houses on our street are on a slight decline going towards her house, we can see into her backyard from our deck, as can all the houses that sit several feet higher than ours behind us.  Because of the layout of the neighborhood, this thought did not even occur to us when we chose to extend our one-person deck into a family-size deck so that we could enjoy our backyard.  But it didn’t sit well with her.  As it turned out, we unleashed the Red Queen’s fury and her Jabberwocky next door when we committed this atrocity.

After all the peasants in the neighborhood had heard about our crime from the queen herself, she took her complaint to the homeowner’s association to no avail.  We did everything correctly and had the right to extend our deck.  After all, our other neighbor’s entire back yard is a deck that surrounds a pool.  It’s fabulous.  We don’t mind that he can see into our yard.  But the Red Queen couldn’t sit idly by while we worked on our piece of Wonderland.  Instead she had to harass my husband and the men that were working on the deck. She attempted to enlist new subjects throughout the neighborhood, and to this day, people I meet through other neighbors have heard of our infamous deck.  But when all of her ploys didn’t work, she decided to attended one of our poorly attended homeowner’s association meetings, and deceptively got herself voted onto the board by those naïve neighbors that were present.  Little did they know they were electing an evil queen to the helm.

After her appointment, we were nit-picked via the disguise of her aristocracy (the homeowner’s association board) for every miniscule detail around our house. Meanwhile we watched as she was able to breach every HOA code, city law and code of neighborly ethics and get away with it.  After all, she is the queen.

Fast forward two years, and as her malice toward us has proved to be futile, she moved on to other neighbors.  Or so I thought.  However, once again today, we received yet another royal decree from her majesty’s court, condemning my sweet Obi’s detestation for her and her pets.  For when they are out at the same time, he will dig at our fence in an attempt to hunt down the evil that plagues our family.  Luckily he has never succeeded in his attempt, and we have filled in the holes of his disdain for them.

But this time, she can yell “off with their heads” all she wants.  It won’t bother me, because this time a for-sale sign sits in front of the Red Queen’s castle.  Yes, her majesty has finally had enough of living with the peasants in Wonderland.  Hopefully the day will arrive soon when the sun will shine, and the flowers will bloom in Wonderland again.


4 comments on “The Red Queen

  1. Assuming I’m the perfect neighbor!!!! SO well written! If only people really understood how big of an evil, nasty @#$%* she really is! Believe me, I’ve witnessed it and unfortunately experienced it first hand!

  2. Pingback: The B* is Back « My Inspirations

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