The Search for the Perfect Costume

Halloween is just around the corner. It’s my family’s favorite holiday, so it’s no surprise that we tend to spend a small fortune every year on this one, even though we try not to. But now the pressure is on to find the perfect costume. I have had many favorites that I may repeat from time to time. I am a wiz with face paint if I do say so myself. I have many sets of ears, including cat, leopard, zebra, bunny, and devils horns. One of my most fabulous costumes combined face painting with the horns to transform me into quite the devil. But my all-time favorite costume consists of a fabulous cloak that has more than paid for itself over it’s many years of use, and my favorite accessory….my vampire fangs. I love vampires. Long before Twilight, long before True Blood…I was in love with vampires. Books…movies…it’ didn’t matter. I have my own fitted fangs. I could wear them year round if it wouldn’t label me as a freak.

Since I attend an annual party with the same friends, I do try to come up with unique costumes without repeating too much. So I am back on the search for a costume. I have searched high and low for “the perfect” costume. This year, my husband and I decided to go as a “pair”. So many choices: cop/prisoner, god/goddess, Homer/Marge, and the choices go on and on. I finally decided to go try costumes on before making up my mind. So I went to the local party store to check out their costumes. Now this is where the holiday becomes irritating. It seems that sometime in the last ten years or so, costume designers have determined that every woman is a size zero and should wear a sleazy, barely-there outfit. I noticed that even the PLUS size costumes were a bit too skimpy. HELLO….costume designers! First off, not everyone lives in a warm state…or one that’s warm on Halloween that is. Second, not everyone that wears a costume is 18 years old. Third, not everyone SHOULD wear an inappropriately revealing costume. What about plus size you want to see that much? What about office parties? What about parents? I am a Mom. My friend’s are parents. Our parties include kids! Even if I was a size zero…which I am not…it really is not appropriate for my children to see me dressed so sexually provocative. What kind of message does that send to my two girls?! So in my choice to not be slutty, it would almost appear that I would be reduced to wearing a man’s costume. But I continued my desperate search for something appropriate. I finally noticed one cop outfit that wasn’t too revealing…a plus size. Ok, so I’m not a plus size woman, but it’s worth a shot. I take the costume to the dressing room to try it on. Now I’m pissed off at the designers yet again, for this PLUS SIZE costume is TOO SMALL! Seriously?! Who designs these things? Are they using real sizes? Disgusted with the whole thing, I left the store.

By this point, my husband decided that he wanted to be a pirate. Looking at the men’s costumes we found that they all come in one size – “standard”. We also found that standard is just too small for a man who wears extra large. So I get the fabulous idea to sew him a pirate costume; well part of one. After three to four hours of sewing and discovering discovering a spot I missed after cleaning everything up, I decided that wasn’t worth it. It’s worth the price to buy a costume already made. He had a vest from me (albeit a nice vest)…the rest he would have to buy, if we could find them a little larger.

So with three days left until our annual party, we ventured to our local theatrical costume shop. Luckily we found that while their costumes are expensive, they weren’t any more expensive than the cheap party store. Even better, we also discovered that they had more realistic sizing. My husband was able to buy an extra large pirate shirt that actually fit. Most of the women’s costumes were still a little on the sleezy side, but there were a few here and there that just may work for a middle-aged mom. I did fall in love with one extremely expensive costume, but common sense won, and I ended up with an average female pirate costume. It’s not the greatest…but hey, it’s not too revealing, and it fits!

So we are going to be pirates this year. I am going to miss my fangs and hate to leave them boxed up, but I have already worn them for the past two years in a row as both a vampire and as a “gypsy-turned-vampire”. I guess I should skip a year for good measure. Although I may wear them to the office tomorrow just for dramatic effect.


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