The Battle of Logic vs. Emotion

Who am I?  Simply put –

– My personality is ENFJ – That is I strongly lean towards extroverted, intuitive, feeling and judging characteristics.  “As an ENFJ, you’re primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.”  (Find your personality here.)  (Another good site can be found here.)

– My numerology life path is a #3 “You are emotional and vulnerable. When hurt, you withdraw into a cloud of silence, eventually emerging from your reticence with jokes and laughter that cover up your true feelings.”  (Find your life path here.)

 – My astrological sign is Sagittarius –  “Sagittarians have a positive outlook on life, are full of enterprise, energy, versatility, adventurousness and eagerness to extend experience beyond the physically familiar.  They enjoy travelling and exploration, the more so because their minds are constantly open to new dimensions of thought.  They are basically ambitious and optimistic, and continue to be so even when their hopes are dashed.  Their strongly idealist natures can so suffer many disappointments without being affected.  They are honorable, honest, trustworthy, truthful, generous and sincere, with a passion for justice. They balance loyalty with independence.” (Read about your sign here.)

So put all three of these together and you get ME. See a theme?  Trust me, I fit these personality traits almost perfectly.  I do rely strongly on my feelings, intuition, optimism and loyalty.  I may not remember what I did last week, or even yesterday.  If you tell me I need to pick up milk at the store, I will probably forget.  I constantly walk into rooms and forget exactly why I went in there in the first place.  But ask me what someone did or said to me several years ago that affected me emotionally (good or bad), and you will get a definite answer.  My feelings and emotions make up the strongest part of who I am.  Because of this, I tend to remember anytime someone says or does something that makes me feel [special, wonderful, good about myself, you name it].  I love to keep these people in my life in one form or another.  I treasure them, because I feel treasured in return.

On the other hand, I also tend to remember those moments when someone has said or done something to affect my emotions in a negative way as well.  Even if it wasn’t directed at me.  All you have to do is affect me emotionally in a negative manner, and chances are I will remember.  Unless the positive outweighs the negative, then these people tend to not remain in my life (if I can help it – but God help me if they return).  On the down side, the combination of my personality traits in conjunction with these negative emotions could ultimately lead to a form of irrational thinking.  I have seen this irrationalness in others and thought it was ridiculous.  So I fight it in myself.  How?

Taking anti-anxiety medication has helped me tremendously.  Readings that take me to a higher level of reality (such books by Eckhart Tolle) have helped as well.  These elements are strengthening the logical aspect of my emotions by raising me to a different level of consciousness.  But still, it is difficult to fight the person that I ultimately am.  No matter how logical I can attempt to become, that is not the makeup the universe has provided for me.  So every so often in my battle of emotions vs. logic, my emotions will win.  I don’t mind, because I don’t want to lose all the good that my emotions bring me.  But when they lead to irrationality, then I feel I just need to apologize for my …well…stupid actions.

I know not everyone lives through their emotions as I do.  But the logical side of me is working in conjunction with my emotions right now, and I can’t help but wonder if I have unintentionally affected anyone else’s emotions in a negative manner.  I love the people in my life, no matter how distant or far away they are.  Some I don’t regularly see or talk to very often.  But by how I feel about them emotionally, they are still a part of my life.  As for the ones that have brought me negativity, well they don’t count here.  I guess this is all a part of the great lesson in life that I am still learning.  Even though I don’t feel I have ever been a large enough factor in someone’s life (other than my family) to affect their emotions long-term, I just pray, once again, that I am forgiven if I did so in a negative manner.

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