So I’m sitting at my desk listening to the Eurythmic’s “Here Comes the Rain Again,” and boy does that feel so accurate. See, I’m having an anxiety attack. I guess it must have been coming for some time. While I don’t really feel stressed over my husband’s job situation, I guess it could be contributing to it. Plus he’s been in New York since Saturday and wont’ be home for at least another week. What may be contributing more is that my work load has basically doubled over the last month. I can’t seem to get caught up. Having piles of papers all over my desk does stress me out. I know it does. I have never been able to work that way, and now I am essentially being forced to.
Then today, my sweet friend/co-worker is having troubles of her own and had to call out. I agree with her, she needed to. But at first thought, I felt an “Oh No” feeling coming. Then one of the two pagers sitting at my desk went off, triggering the attack. My heart palpitations hit strongly. I feel dizzy. I want to cry. No, I want to run away. Who the fuck needs a job anyway, right? Well, I guess I do. And truthfully, I love my job. It has just never been quite this stressful before.
Yes, I have put in a call to my doctor. I guess my current Prozac dosage isn’t enough. But will increasing it really matter? I only take it once a day anyway…at bedtime. I need something NOW.
I probably should mention something to my boss, but it makes me feel like a failure. I’ve always been very good at my job. I hate people who use “stress” as an excuse to call out (we have several who do regularly), so I don’t want to be one of them. So I sit here, staring blankly at my piles of work, blogging, procrastinating. Anything to help it pass, or until I hear back from my doctor.
That’s all. Thanks for listening to me gripe this morning.