Mother Nature’s Fury

cramps 4In the category of “too much information”….

As I sit here at my desk at work in excruciating pain, I find there’s nothing quite like telling your (male) boss you have to take some pain killers that may knock your ass out, because you are having severe menstrual cramps.  Yes, as I continue on this path in life, I find there are just some moments and some discussions that are unavoidable.  Thankfully my boss is married to a nurse and has a grown daughter, so my plight is nothing new for him. Still it doesn’t help take away the embarrassment of having to say, “Hey, guess what?…”

Ironically, as awkward as this moment is for me, it’s nothing like last month’s attack from Mother Nature.  Last month I went out-of-town to my cousin’s wedding.  The wedding was on a Saturday, but my girls and I went up Friday to enjoy a little time at the hotel pool.  Mother Nature decided to invite herself along, and like an uninvited guest, she was pissed at me for not thinking of her.  The girls had some time at the pool while I just watched, but then as we went back to our room to relax a little, the bitch must have been jealous, because she came at me full force, like she was taking a knife, ripping open my gut and yanking my intestines out.  I was in so much pain I couldn’t move.  I took the pain pills I had with me, but they weren’t enough.  The pain made me want to scream, to cry, to vomit.  My girls were helpless seeing Mommy in so much pain.  My sweet little Klara helped me concoct a heating pad by wetting a washcloth, putting it in a plastic bag and microwaving it for a minute.  That worked as a heating pad, but it wasn’t working to help take the pain away.  If only I had an adult around to help – maybe go to the drugstore for more pain pills, a heating pad, or even a bottle of whiskey.  Then it hit me….Room Service.  I called and asked if they had a heating pad – they did not, but they sure did have alcohol.  So I asked to have a shot of whiskey sent to my room.  They were bewildered when they asked me what kind and I said I didn’t care.  I just told them to send me the cheapest they had, because I was in pain.

Room service was there in a flash.  The woman who handed me the glass of whiskey was concerned.  I appreciated her concern, but there wasn’t a whole lot she could do for me.  I took my glass of whiskey and drank it as fast as I could – which wasn’t very fast as I’m not a whiskey drinker, and the burn that just goes down your throat didn’t help with my feeling of wanting to vomit.  It took me about 30 minutes to get that one glass down.  During that time, the hotel front desk called.  The word that got back to them from my Room Service attendance apparently caused them concern. They were calling to check on me.  That’s pretty damn good service if you ask me.  But I knew at this point there wasn’t a whole lot that could be done.  I just had to wait.

Fortunately, I only had to wait about 30 more minutes before the pain killers and the whiskey started to take effect.  I was finally able to lay down and enjoy a little TV time with my girls and sleep.

Mother Nature can be a bitch, but she was nice enough to allow me to enjoy the wedding and my time with my family the next day.  Now the bitch is back again.



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