I just experienced the first weekend of my “diet“. I was preoccupied most of the time, so time flew by between meals. But then the true tests hit. The first one: when I went grocery shopping. I spent a large amount of time in the produce department picking up healthy choices for my family. But with each item I picked up, I truly could imagine eating it and how it tasted. I was salivating. As my brain reminded me, “I will not be eating this”, a bit of sadness hit. It was a little depressing. I was relieved to leave the grocery store. Distractions were easier to find at home.
Then Sunday I visited my friend Lori’s daughter in the hospital. Because she was essentially “living” there for the time being, she had food. Worse than having food, she had a relatively fresh batch of Mexican food. Yum. Lori offered tacos to her visitors (me included). I declined. But the girls helped themselves to chips and queso. I had to remind myself I don’t like queso. As we continued talking, Lori broke out a box of chocolates. Again, I had to decline, not once, but twice as she came around the room with the box. LOOK AWAY my brain silently yelled to me. I did just that. I stayed strong. We were only there a little over an hour, but it felt like much longer. Upon leaving, my daughter Klara asked if she could get lunch. She wanted Taco Bell. I obliged, but then I had to smell tacos in my car. My stomach grumbled and pleaded with me all the way home. I was so relieved that upon walking in the door it was time for me to eat again. I had my “meal” and I was fine. The rest of the day I seemed to be ok. Until closer to bedtime. The girls wanted a snack. After sharing my knowledge of health and nutrition with them, and steering them away from more junk, I provided them with some pineapple. The smell permeated the air. I envisioned myself popping a piece into my mouth and could taste the juiciness. Just as I was about to do just that, my diet partner’s voice came to my mind and I could hear KRISTINE – NO!. I walked away. I had to leave the room. I had to leave the smell. I went and sat in bed to watch TV. I was thirsty, but I think there was something about that pineapple that made it where I could no longer deal with drinking water. The taste (or lack of) of the water was making me sick. I didn’t want it. I went to bed – sleep would be my only salvation.
Unfortunately, I woke up unexpectedly at midnight. Once again, my stomach was on a rampage. It was starving. It was angry with me. I could hear it screaming at me. My only option – drink water. I still couldn’t bear the thought of more water. I lay there for at least a good thirty minutes as my stomach begged, pleaded and seemingly punched at me from the inside. Fighting me to get up and go eat. I wanted to cave in so bad. I felt so miserable! I fought back, mentally. After about 30 minutes it gave up. I felt calmer. I went back to sleep.
I survived the first weekend. I can do this.