Turning Fears into Knowledge

hopes

So after my post Back to the Books, I dove in and explored my school options and finally made the leap.  I started my first class.  This is not something I took lightly. In fact, I have been contemplating returning to school for the past several years.  The desire has always been there, I just never had a reason to do it.  I recently came across a transcript evaluation I had completed with another college two years ago.  At that time, it would have taken me two years to finish what I was originally only one year away from getting – my bachelor’s degree.  I remember thinking, “why should it take me two years?  I was so close xx number of years ago.”  Not only that, but I didn’t want to spend so much money just to get a piece of paper I really did not have any ambition to know what to do with.  Now here it is, two years later, at a time when I do have that ambition, and I would be finished.  I had no idea two years ago that today it would have fit perfectly into my life to have that “piece of paper”.  Apparently my guardian angels, spirit guides, or whatever force had me researching the same thing two years ago knew it.  I should have listened then, but I didn’t.  Better late than never, right?!

I have decided to give the University of Phoenix’s online program a try.  I know a couple people who go/went there, and they really liked it.  One had even done all sorts of research on various online programs before ultimately deciding to go with their program.  Since he essentially did the research for me, and because their admissions counselor was the most helpful during my own researching, I decided to go with their program.  I started with a small free workshop they provided to acquaint myself to the online process.  I have to admit, at first I was so overwhelmed with the process that I was questioning what the hell I was doing and thought about backing out.  But my dear friends helped talk those fears out of me, and now I am in my first class.  I have found that the first week wasn’t so bad.  Actually, it was way easier than I thought it would be.  So why did I fear it so much?  It’s funny how the unknown can keep us from moving forward in our lives, whether the change we seek is moving to a new city, changing jobs or returning to school.  But what do we truly have to fear?  Failure.  But why do we fear failure?  If you think about it, we fail at just about everything the first time we try it.  We failed to walk as toddlers the first few time we tried.  Thank God we kept trying, or we’d be a society of  worms crawling around!

As children we are forced to move forward in our lives.  If fears are present, we have adults, parents, friends close by pushing us forward, turning our fear of the unknown into knowledge.  Each and every change or move we make in our lives increases our view and knowledge of our world and decreases our fear. So why do we stop moving forward when we become adults?  I can only answer for myself….comfort and laziness.  Sure, over the years I have continued moving from place to place, and have really lost any fears about new places.  I actually find going new places (even moving to them) kind of exciting. Each move also brings forth new jobs.  Of course this is a little less exciting, but not necessarily a bad thing.  But now I have found myself living in a place I truly love.  I no longer desire to move.  In the past 9 years, I have gotten comfortable and in a routine.  Not the best routine, I can assure you, as there is some laziness to it, but it is still my routine.  So now I am disrupting the routine (interfering with my lazy evenings).  Forcing my brain to comprehend something new again.  I am sure there will be times I want to give up and quit.  It’s sort of like starting a new exercise routine.  Every year I start, and by the end of the year, I am no longer doing it.  When those moments hit, I am going to rely heavily on my family and friends to cheer me on to keep going.

So now I am in my second week.  It has been a busy week, and that overwhelming feeling is creeping back in.  I just need to remember to take it a day at a time, and eventually I will get there!

change yourself

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By Kris Heaton Posted in School

One comment on “Turning Fears into Knowledge

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