Do you ever wish someone would just tell you what to do so you wouldn’t have to make all the tough choices yourself? I certainly do. I made it through week one after my surgery. I was told I should stay home at least two weeks afterwards, but I did not want to throw away the rest of my time off for this fiscal year, so I insisted on returning the Monday following my surgery, a mere six days later.
For whatever unknown reason there was, it took the doctor’s office several weeks to process my FMLA paperwork and send it to my human resource department. I made it through Monday and Tuesday at work this week, although it was a little bit of a struggle. Then yesterday I finally received the FMLA paperwork back. I was granted a month off of work. A month! Now logical me thinks that’s ridiculous, who needs a month? But then the part of me that struggles with doing day to day things on my own can understand staying home for a month without having to worry about trying to write down a phone number or trying to comprehend what someone just told me because my pain meds are making everything blurry. I sat looking at the paperwork angry. Angry that I could take a month to actually recuperate with no worries, but angry that my employer would not leave me with any time off after that month. That means no long weekend with my children in Florida this spring break as planned. That means no paid holiday for memorial day. So I chose to return to work so that I could still have these moments with my family.
Then last night I had a horrible night. I ended up taking one pill over the recommended dosage in the recommended time frame. Not the worst scenario, because it was not all taken at once, but not the best scenario. I had a very vivid and brutal nightmare that abruptly awoke me and made me grab my phone to call Chris for help. In doing so, of course I grabbed my phone with my right arm because it was instinct to do so, and it was a big mistake. It took a while for my nerves to calm down for me to be able to get over the medication effects, and it took a while for me to get over the pain to actually sleep. All in all, don’t think I slept more than five hours all total. I woke up this morning regretting getting up because I knew I needed sleep more than anything. Still I got ready for work, only running a few minutes behind. I was in more pain this morning than I had been the last two mornings so I took the stronger medication, knowing that there was a risk that it might not be a good idea before work. But I did so because in the evenings when I first take it, it does not seem to have an adverse effect so I thought I would be okay going to work. I was wrong, I did not even make it halfway into work and I got very dizzy and sick. Chris brought me right back home.
So now, I lay here hoping to sleep with so much running through my head. Do I extend my time off and kill my family time in March? If so, how long do I extend it? do I just take two weeks which seems reasonable and screw myself out of any additional benefits like short-term disability? Or do I take the full month so that I could at least get short-term disability, but is that really reasonable?
Where is my mentor, my guide, my all-knowing parent who can tell me what to do without me having to think twice about whether it is the right thing to do? I hate being an Adult.