Helpless?

As I sit here to write this blog, the theme song of the 1980’s sitcom The Facts of Life is running through my head.

You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The facts of life, the facts of life.

As a young girl, I loved that sitcom.  So why is this song running through my head right now?  Well, everyone has their ups and downs in life, their highs and lows, their strengths and weaknesses. I think it’s fair to say no one can deny the fact that for every positive in life, there is also a negative. Sort of like Newton’s third law: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. Except in this instance, for every positive attribute there is a negative attribute.  This is most definitely in play where humans are concerned. Myself included. I have written a few blogs regarding my very own lows, shortcomings , weaknesses, or negative traits.  No matter what you want to call them, I’ve written about them, then I deleted them.  Why? Because I can be a coward.  The strong side of me wants to admit my flaws and own up to them.  The weak side of me doesn’t want anyone to know my flaws.  I want to be perfect.  But I am human, and therefore, I am going to be flawed.  That is a fact of life.

So I’m sure you are asking, where am I going with this?  Every so often, those closest to me see my flaws in their most raw form.  I am aware that often they see them before I am even in a state of mind to notice I’ve put them out there to be seen.  Then, after looking like the fool and being shunned by the very people I care about, I slip away in my own little safe haven to lick my wounds of rejection.  Lucky for me, my spirit bounces back rather quickly most of the time.  But even so, I am left in the wake of my actions pondering why it is that after all my decades in this life I have yet to master the yin to my very own yang.  Why am I not in more control of the emotional balance of my life?  Today, I caught a reminder as to why; as to who I am.  And even though it did not come as a complete surprise, it still made me sit back and say Wow. So who am I?  Well, I’m sure everyone is familiar with horoscopes and astrology signs. It’s not unheard of for someone to say something along the lines of  “he’s definitely a Taurus, because he’s stubborn like a bull.” Well I have found numerology to be an even more accurate predictor of a person’s personality traits. Not only because my own numerology chart has been a pretty accurate description of me, but others, whom I have provided numbers for have also attested to the accuracy of some of their basic numerology attributes as well. I’ve read mine so many times, and have even blogged about it, that I thought I had a complete understanding of who I am, numerologically speaking.  Boy was I wrong.

Today, while visiting with family, the discussion of numerology came up.  As a means to explain it, I pulled life path numbers for each person and then read the personality attributes that went with their life path number.  Even though I had used this same website before, I began to notice that what I was reading seemed to be different; updated if you will. Now the downside to any reading (whether it is numerological, astrological or psychic) is that, once again, no matter how positive they may be, there is always an underlying negative side that provides balance in the universe. Like dark and light, or yin and yang.  As everyone agreed that the life paths fit every person present, I finally got to my own reading.  Now I thought I knew what it was going to say, because I have read it before.  I was definitely caught off guard when I started reading and noticed almost immediately that this one was different.  While it seemed to be written lightheartedly, it did not seem as favorable as past readings had been:

The number 3 is like a gifted teenager who is still under the protection of its parents: a bit spoiled, certainly scattered and perpetually in need of guidance. Charm, wit and a sense of humor help a 3 individual along his or her path, and if that weren’t enough, good looks and compelling charisma make this “kid” particularly attractive.  No wonder so many are drawn to those with 3s in their charts. Followers are even willing to forgive less favorable traits exhibited by 3s, like a lack of focus and direction, a tendency to procrastinate, an inability to finish projects and an unwillingness to take responsibility. On the other hand, there is a superficial side to the 3 that can be harder to look past: a narcissistic streak, a vanity, a need to be the center of attention. It is easy for the optimistic 3 to enjoy day-to-day life as long as all is well, but when challenging issues arise, it can become quickly apparent that most of the 3’s focus has been on that sunny exterior, leaving its internal fortitude lacking. Without much moral strength or spiritual depth, a 3 can easily succumb to difficulties unless friends and family move in to support it.

The 3 has a nasty jealous streak, too. This jealousy stems from the fact that the 3 knows, deep down inside, that it has only been skimming the surface of life since birth. As a result, the 3 feels a deeply hidden sense of insecurity, a sense that others know things that have thus far escaped the 3. This is not entirely incorrect and, when confronted with this reality, it leaves the 3 devastated and helpless.

Wow.  Harsh words.  But I knew they were right.  Thoughts of the overconfidence I tend to have in my relationships came to mind.  Times when I thought it was safe to speak my mind and that turned out not not be so.  Thoughts of careless statements I have made without thinking that have sent my friendships tossing and turning like a ship on tumultuous waters came to mind.  Moments in my life where I found myself shut down by someone I loved, left standing alone, wondering what I said or WTF just happened.  Just like a teenager still maturing, I would be left wondering how a few quick moments of light banter suddenly turned dark and negative; leaving me standing alone feeling helpless. That word sunk in.  Helpless.  BUT I DON’T DO HELPLESS.  Then there are the moments of depression.  The anxiety attacks.  That feeling.  Helpless?  Now I understood.  But what do I do with this information?  Am I truly doomed to forever be a spoiled child, scattered and perpetually in need of guidance just because it is written into my numerological life path?  I won’t accept that.  I KNOW I am too strong to…..to what?  At this point I’m not sure.  I guess I still have a lot of maturing to do.  If that’s even possible.  I suppose I do still need guidance.  At this stage in life, that’s a fact that definitely leaves me feeling….helpless.

If you would like to learn and read about your own life path, click here.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s